It has taken me the best part of two weeks to be able to sit down and write this news..
On the Friday after I found out I was pregnant, I started having tummy cramps, which I thought were just normal, until I spotted blood. It was just a light pink colour at first. So, again I was hopeful that it was implantation bleeding, until I realised that it was too late for that. I was 5 weeks + 2 days along. My wife called her mum (who we hadn’t even told yet), to ask her advice – she was great and said hopefully it’s just a period as she had got them when she was pregnant. Later that evening the bleeding got darker and the pain got worse. I went to bed hoping that everything was going to be okay. At 2am, excruciating cramps woke me up, as I went to put my hand on my tummy to comfort myself, I fast realised I was drenched in sweat and my body was trembling with the pain. I went to the toilet, and as soon as I sat down, bright red blood gushed out of me, and a lot of it. I knew this was all very bad, the pain was worse than a normal period and I couldn’t stop shaking.
The next morning we decided to ring 111 for further advice. They told me to go straight to A&E to get checked out. My wife is disabled, so she wasn’t able to take me, so her mum took me up to the hospital whilst my wife had to wait and wonder at home. Once there, they took my bloods and sent me to the women’s unit. They only had one doctor working who was covering 3 areas, and was stuck in theatre, so we waited about 5 hours to get my news, it was the longest 5 hours of my life!
The doctor told me that the blood tests revealed my hormone level was only on a number 8, and for 5 weeks pregnant they would expect it to be 15! He said it’s most likely an early miscarriage and to go home, take pain killers and rest. He said to do another home pregnancy test in 2 weeks to see if / how the pregnancy had progressed, but that it will probably show a negative result. He also said that it is very common and happens to 1 in 5 pregnancies, and that it doesn’t mean that I won’t go on to have a perfectly healthy pregnancy in the future.
So, home I went, trying hold it together whilst I told my beautiful wife that we had lost our little bean 😦 her mum was brilliant that afternoon (she is an incredibly understanding and supportive woman) and told us to keep trying. I have spent the past 2 weeks feeling like I was on a second round of TWW’s and wondering if every pain and twinge was a sign all was not lost. I bled on and off for about a week, and I still am having some tummy pains, but alas, I took a home pregnancy test this morning and sure enough it showed a negative result. I have to be thankful, in a way, for two things – 1) That I miscarried so early, meaning I could pass everything naturally (I’m not sure how I would cope if I’d already heard the baby’s heartbeat!) and 2) That today’s test was negative, because for a while I was starting to get anxious incase it turned out to be ectopic.
I walk our dog every day in our local country park, and the week when we still thought I was pregnant, I saw two magpies followed by a third. Two for joy, three for a girl right? So, i believe we lost what would have been our beautiful little girl 😦
We are still firm believers in that it will happen for us when the time is right, and not a moment before. We have decided to have at least a one month rest, to make sure I have at least one natural cycle before trying again, which will also give us both time to heal emotionally and my body to heal physically. We are lucky we have a very reliable and committed donor, who assures us he will continue to donate until we get our next ‘two for joy’. For now, the healing process continues.
The Broody Lesbian 